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What I learnt from crotch-rubbing: you can condition people into anything

What I learnt from crotch-rubbing: you can condition people into anything

Apple invented expensive wristwatches and free U2 but I invented NostrilTime

Artificial unintelligence rides off into the sunset with all our jobs

Artificial unintelligence rides off into the sunset with all our jobs

If you think white is a colour, your services are no longer required

A stranger wants to stuff a role up my user entry

A stranger wants to stuff a role up my user entry

It’s hierarchical thing: the feudal system persists

In the drone wars, trundlebum deliveries are still more likely than headward scissorhands

In the drone wars, trundlebum deliveries are still more likely than headward scissorhands

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a fridge-freezer... argh!

No, sir, we’re afraid it is YOUR fault if our system doesn’t work

No, sir, we’re afraid it is YOUR fault if our system doesn’t work

In the meantime, please send us all your personal details, unnecessarily

The lights go off, broadband drops out, the TV freezes … and nobody knows why

The lights go off, broadband drops out, the TV freezes … and nobody knows why

It might be because technicians maintain an open-door policy

My computer's crashed! I've lost everythi… oh, never mind, it's working again

My computer's crashed! I've lost everythi… oh, never mind, it's working again

Do you have 'TalatObig'? (i.e. the healing hands of customer support)

“What’s the keyboard shortcut for ‘Delete’?” In Spacebar, no one can hear you scream

“What’s the keyboard shortcut for ‘Delete’?” In Spacebar, no one can hear you scream

How about you create a ‘Delete’ macro and assign it to, oh I dunno, the Delete key?

Is a tag tracking your todger? No probs, just slice it off!

Is a tag tracking your todger? No probs, just slice it off!

Unseen eyes are following you around the room... and the food court

You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook? Ho ho, next you'll be saying you 'dialled' a phone number!

You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook? Ho ho, next you'll be saying you 'dialled' a phone number!

Are you sure you want me to "hit go"? What if it hits me back?

It doesn’t exist? I’ll give you $32bn for it and call it a bargain!

It doesn’t exist? I’ll give you $32bn for it and call it a bargain!

Fooled by the intangible lightness of being (...gullible)

Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet

Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet

Bad computers might ask if you are Sarah Connor

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